Last night on the Mass Pike.

luckyshirt: Dear people who like Neapolitan ice cream: You like horrible things. Neapolitan is for taste whores who spread the flavor love around like your mom spreads an email about recalled baby food. Among other things. Pick an ice cream already, sugar sluts. I wouldn’t wish this shit on Hitler. Because I care. Do I seem like a guy that would be totally cool with showing up at your little party and clapping and singing about your goddamned birthday while there is a big tub of “I HATE MY FRIENDS” ice cream next to the cake?  If you don’t respect me enough to at least give me options that AREN’T TOUCHING EACH OTHER, then walk away and don’t look back unless you want to see my back because I started walking away first. Or hey, why don’t you come over for pizza and boiled rat? Oh I put the boiled rats ON THE PIZZA because it’s just easier for me to do it that way. Just take them off if you don’t like them. HERE IS A NEW CAR BUT IT’S FULL OF DEAD HOOKERS I HOPE YOU LIKE DEAD HOOKERS. I think “New Car Full of Dead Hookers” should be the Ben and Jerry’s name for this ice crap. BUT HEY A LOT OF FOODS HAVE OTHER TOUCHING FOODS LIKE NACHOS RIGHT? How much absinthe did you snort this morning? To preserve this nacho analogy, you would have to be the kind of mutant who would open a tub of Neapolitan and drag your spoon ACROSS THE FLAVOR SPECTRUM OH MY GOD before taking a bite. I don’t even think Neapolitan Bonaparte HIMSELF would have in his darkest maniacal fever dreams imagined that his invention would be abused like this. If you want to pretend to be so open minded that you like all three flavors, and hope every team wins the Super Bowl, and Jesus and Satan and science ALL COME OUT AHEAD on Judgement Day, you go right ahead and lie to yourself and all of creation. But DO NOT corrupt the world in which I have to raise my children by releasing into it the idea that it’s not only legal but SOMEHOW OKAY TO TAKE A BIG FUCKING BITE OF CHONILLABERRY ICE CREAM. I just threw up a little in your mouth as I typed that. BUT I DOUBT YOU NOTICED.

luckyshirt:

Dear people who like Neapolitan ice cream:

You like horrible things.

Neapolitan is for taste whores who spread the flavor love around like your mom spreads an email about recalled baby food. Among other things. Pick an ice cream already, sugar sluts.

I wouldn’t wish this shit on Hitler. Because I care. Do I seem like a guy that would be totally cool with showing up at your little party and clapping and singing about your goddamned birthday while there is a big tub of “I HATE MY FRIENDS” ice cream next to the cake? 

If you don’t respect me enough to at least give me options that AREN’T TOUCHING EACH OTHER, then walk away and don’t look back unless you want to see my back because I started walking away first.

Or hey, why don’t you come over for pizza and boiled rat? Oh I put the boiled rats ON THE PIZZA because it’s just easier for me to do it that way. Just take them off if you don’t like them.

HERE IS A NEW CAR BUT IT’S FULL OF DEAD HOOKERS I HOPE YOU LIKE DEAD HOOKERS.

I think “New Car Full of Dead Hookers” should be the Ben and Jerry’s name for this ice crap.

BUT HEY A LOT OF FOODS HAVE OTHER TOUCHING FOODS LIKE NACHOS RIGHT?

How much absinthe did you snort this morning? To preserve this nacho analogy, you would have to be the kind of mutant who would open a tub of Neapolitan and drag your spoon ACROSS THE FLAVOR SPECTRUM OH MY GOD before taking a bite. I don’t even think Neapolitan Bonaparte HIMSELF would have in his darkest maniacal fever dreams imagined that his invention would be abused like this.

If you want to pretend to be so open minded that you like all three flavors, and hope every team wins the Super Bowl, and Jesus and Satan and science ALL COME OUT AHEAD on Judgement Day, you go right ahead and lie to yourself and all of creation.

But DO NOT corrupt the world in which I have to raise my children by releasing into it the idea that it’s not only legal but SOMEHOW OKAY TO TAKE A BIG FUCKING BITE OF CHONILLABERRY ICE CREAM.

I just threw up a little in your mouth as I typed that. BUT I DOUBT YOU NOTICED.

(via sanctify)

what have you got to lose

okay so its a tuesday afternoon and im in freakin starbucks on my laptop drinking coffee and tumblr-ing. why?

 beacauseeeeeeee well myhusband is out to sea and i dont have internet in my apartment yet and no friends and i wanted a coffee so i said fuck it ya know?

im bored im as usual looking up wedding stuff. im obsessed and i still have over a year to plan this shit haha but its ok cause its gonna be the best wedding anyone has ever been to. thats a dang fact. its gonna be awwwwesome.

uh gotta restart la computadora cyalata

It’s like really annoying. I’ve never. EVER. ONCE. done it but you feel like you need to all the fucking time. You sleep more than anyone I know. I’m sick of this shit. Wake the fuck up.

diary of an addict

you know everyone is an addict. everyone is addicted to something. whether it be caffeine or cigarettes or chocolate, everyone is addicted to something. im addicted to a lot of things.

my life is addicted to bad news and teary eyes. its addicted to rollercoasters and waves and hills and hands out the window on the highway.

im getting tired. and growing faint. im being selfish now when i dont want to be.

im having doubts and growing sick of being around myself. how can anyone be around me when im sick of being around myself.

its sad. its sad really how i cant find something aside from a drug to make me get back to myself. and its sad really how i dont even know how i got here. im scared. and theres nothing i can do.

empty full of air nothings going on in there

like i cant get enough

of this nothing i let myself drift into

and all this thinkings making me weak

feel like im falling through but i can never reach the bottom

im faking it but i dont mean to but im making lies

except for you. it always comes back to you

youre the one true thing in my life i can be honest with.

completley

and the realization i have to be away from you for long times, is heart wrenching

i know how it feels and i dont like it

i dont want to feel it

i just want to feel you

the way you whisper, how we play

the way your breath leaves your mouth when you speak my name

i wish time was our friend and we could ask him to slow down when we were together, speed up when were apart.

but it seems he doesnt like us too much

i remember when i knew this was going to be harder than imagined

and it was a sad thought still is.

i cant survive a year without feeling half of something else

im only a fraction of myself

and this i realize if nothing else

if everything changes

and i never get back to the person i was

the person you fell in love with

if this disease overtakes me

and i cant control it anymore

if something falls apart and and messes up

and we dont even see it coming

cant do anything about it cant stop it cant even try

ive loved you with every inch i could

i have felt more about you than every other person combined

and i trust you with my life and my heart and my love

and thats so sweet and if nothing

if nothing else

at least i know i put my all into you

and so, i will have never failed.

you fill my air.

tousle-: adventure time  dear fucking lord i LOVE THIS MOVIE. “i dont shut up, i grow up and when i look at you i throw up. BLEHH!”

tousle-:

adventure time

 dear fucking lord i LOVE THIS MOVIE.

“i dont shut up, i grow up and when i look at you i throw up. BLEHH!”

(Source: o-u-r-o-b-o-r-o-s)

cause my bright is too slight to hold back all my dark

—bn